stop the press, I'm having a moment

this night I feel like going on a bike ride to nowhere

Okay, random fact about me: I'm mostly normal on mornings and afternoons, I rarely feel sad and maybe it's because I have a lot to do. I can think clearly and laugh at things that isn't really funny. At night though, I'm a bipolar antisocial freak. Sometimes I feel like I have a split personality because at night, I am always miserable.

curcol ya nih, dari dulu kejadian buruk pasti settingnya pas malem terus. Ya gausah disebutin aja pengalamannya, yang pasti gue jadi suka was was kalo malem malem. Apa ini emang insting manusia dari sananya? Hmm anyways kadang2 emang gue suka ngerasa tenang, mellow, apalah yang penting intinya santai. Tapi kadang2 santainya berlanjut jadi melankoli, melankoli menjadi depresi dan depresi menjadi bunuh diri hahahahha ngga deng itu terlalu lebay. Yang pasti gue suka kelewatan ngelamun dan jadi mikirin yang nggak2. (Bukan bokep juga ya maksutnya)

Another fact: I overthink. Gue suka mikir terlalu jauh, dan kebanyakan pikiran gue itu pesismis. Mau tentang nilailah, gue sendirilah, cintalah, I always see myself losing.
(oke agak aneh juga ngomong cinta di internet wakaka)

Jadi malem ini gue mikir lagi soal hal x dan gue ngerasa the end is near. I'm in a ship that is sinking and I never left the bay in the first place. Maybe it's true, maybe it's not, but I just have this strange feeling in my gut. Kinda sad, but what can you do.

Pengennya ngambil swift kakak gue terus muter2 aja malem2 keliling bintaro. Being alone in a car makes me feel better idk why hahaha apalagi sambil dengerin lagu hmmmm asik. sayangnya gue bisa disuruh tidur di got kalo ketauan ngambil mobil jam segini ck mami, mami. Jadinya gue cuman bisa ngepost disini kan hahaha lumayan deh ni blog buat cerita.

Someone surprise me. anyone, I need something unexpected to happen to me right now. This routine is getting fucking old.

to end this post I'll quote Douglas Coupland from his book "Life After God". I haven't read the book myself, but I'm definitely planning to. It sounds awesome from the quotes alone.

"And then I felt sad because I realized that once people are broken in certain ways, they can't ever be fixed, and this is something nobody ever tells you when you are young and it never fails to surprise you as you grow older as you see the people in your life break one by one. You wonder when your turn is going to be, or if it's already happened."

nice eh?
with love,
Loser.