there are no catchy phrases and sub-par photography to accompany this post.

Selamat sore!

Gue baru potong poni loh barusan. Gue ke salonnya nyetir sendiri terus abis dua jam manjain diri sendiri disana, langsung balik ke rumah.

Oi Dy, penting abis ginian doang dimasukin blog. Hahahaha actually, gue nulis ini di blog karena gue baru aja dapet ilham. And well, gue pengen aja merealisasikan ilham ini dalam bentuk kata-kata. Biarin aja didapet pas di salon atau bukan >:p

Jadi gini ceritanya, tadi gue lagi duduk sambil buka twitter dan baca-baca novel sambil nungguin rambut gue di blow, tiba-tiba aja it hit me. Gue baru sadar selama ini gue nulisnya hal2 yang bikin depresi doang di blog. Yang emo2 shit gitudeh hahahaha padahal gue gak gitu doang orangnya. I'm much more than this emo fucked up teenager writing her sorrows on her blog. So, why don't I write a happy post once in a while?

And here it is. Abis dapet ilham bahwa gue harus nyoba nulis hal-hal yang lebih bright di blog, gue cabut dari salon. Gue masuk mobil, nyalain CD, terus injek gas. And I don't know what it was; it could be the sun setting in my rearview mirror, a nice song was playing on the radio, or the fact that I feel oddly independent -driving by yourself, paying by yourself, buy food for yourself--

Dan di saat itulah gue dapet ilham kedua untuk hari ini. I let go. Oke, gue bukan ngomongin tentang dia dan dia hahahaha Believe me, this is about someone else. I've loved and I love. But then again, the movies, the valentine cards, and the cheap harlequin romance novels got it wrong. It doesn't matter how long you wait for the one you love. It doesn't and wouldn't change the fact that he doesn't return your feelings.

Jadi, gue lepas sekarang! :P

Dan gue baik-baik aja sekarang. Sendiri itu lebih enak, walaupun kadang-kadang emang sepi. But right now, in this very moment, I'm happy to be by myself :)



and for you: as long as you're happy, then it will make me much, much more happier.

Synecdoche, 2008

Everything is more complicated than you think. You only see a tenth of what is true. There are a million little strings attached to every choice you make; you can destroy your life every time you choose. But maybe you won’t know for twenty years. And you may never ever trace it to its source. And you only get one chance to play it out. Just try and figure out your own divorce. And they say there is no fate, but there is: it’s what you create. And even though the world goes on for eons and eons, you are only here for a fraction of a fraction of a second. Most of your time is spent being dead or not yet born. But while alive, you wait in vain, wasting years, for a phone call or a letter or a look from someone or something to make it all right. And it never comes or it seems to but it doesn’t really. And so you spend your time in vague regret or vaguer hope that something good will come along. Something to make you feel connected, something to make you feel whole, something to make you feel loved.

And the truth is I feel so angry, and the truth is I feel so fucking sad, and the truth is I’ve felt so fucking hurt for so fucking long and for just as long I’ve been pretending I’m OK, just to get along, just for, I don’t know why, maybe because no one wants to hear about my misery, because they have their own. Well, fuck everybody. Amen.

Motherfucking cocksucker. Motherfucking shit fucker! What am I doing? What am I doing? I don't know what I'm doing. I'm doing the best that I can. I know that's all I can ask of myself. But is that good enough? Is my work doing any good? Is anybody paying attention? Is it hopeless to try and change things? The African guy's a sign, right? Because if he isn't... then nothing in this world makes any sense to me. I'm fucked. Maybe I should quit. Don't quit. Maybe I should just fucking quit. Don't fucking quit. I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to fucking do anymore. Fucker. Fuck! Shit!

-Albert Markovski, I Heart Huckabees.

my life in 200 words or less. basically.

Ey Mate!

Heya, I'm posting this from my hotel room in Perth, Western Australia :D it's not a very big hotel, but it's cozy enough. The sound of the TV is blaring in the background, something about Uruguay and South Korea and their chances at winning the world cup. Mom's in the bathroom, while a box of chips is my only friend hahahaha

Aside from accompanying my mum while she's working, I'm also here to check out the universities, or maybe I should say, my future university? hahaha I hope so. The people I know recommends Curtin University. I think it's like ITB from Bandung, but I don't know haha I've been to the campus yesterday, and it was pretty nice.

But honestly, I have my eyes set on The UWA, or The University of Western Australia. It's like the UI from Australia, and it is one of the best universities in the world. But personally, I love the fact that it's right next to the lake. The fact that the building looks like Hogwarts helps too hahahah that picture above is the UWA actually. Nice, eh?

And then, when I said -a bit jokingly- that I wanna study journalism and photography, a friend from here recommends the Edith Cowen University. I guess it's like the IKJ of Australia, where future painters and artists meet :P

But really, I haven't ruled out ITB and UI or UGM yet. (that's assuming that I can get in one of them hahaha) Though one thing I absolutely love about Perth?

It's peaceful, almost no motorcycles, and cars aren't allowed to honk if it isn't a real emergency. And the people; they're so laid back. I love it. Jakarta's really metropolitan and the malls always close at almost midnight, while in Perth, they close shop at 6 PM. Then it's just the bars and coffee places that open. I love, love, love it.

(And also, my friend from here has a boyfriend and they spend their summer holidays together here and go on a wine tasting ranch or some weird rock spurting water mountain somewhere, and I wonder; if I had a boyfriend here, would I do the same thing? :P)

If there is no love in the world, we will make a new world, and we will give it heavy walls, and give it a knocker that resonates like a diamond falling to a jeweler’s felt so that we should never hear it. Love me, because love doesn't exist, and I have tried everything that does.

- Everything is Illuminated, Jonathan Safran Foer

they say an end can be a start.
despite all my shortcomings, do you believe that all I had were good intentions?

I feel like I'm wearing a huge fluffy fur coat. people talk to that coat, they say nice things - sometimes bad- and while it was really good of them, the real me is inside that coat. I hear things, and I respond to it. But things that come out of my mouth, comes out of that coat differently. do you get what I'm saying?

What I say and what I feel are completely different things.

And though inevitable, it does make me sad that things are changing. For better or for worse.